Fuck it feels like I have to go back to 0. Why the fuck does everyone need to break me down like that? ffs it’s so hard trying to be strong. I had to rebuild my whole fucking self I had to move and take a year off shit just to rebuild myself and I don’t even know why I trusted anyone again. No one deserves shit I’ll never trust anyone ever again. Fucking humiliating me like she did. Fucking tell what’s wrong with pushing someone away after they refuse to stop humiliating you in front of everyone with no regard to your feelings? Does that mean that you have the right to choke me and then call me ‘abusive’? Fuck. Childish fucks.

it looks fucked in all aspects and I don’t know what the fuck to do with it I look like a mushroom. why can’t hair just go from short to whatever length without that shitty stage?

When issues in America or Europe are discussed, like racism, sexism, and murder, they are just ‘issues that occur in society’. When the same issues are spoken about in Asian or African countries, they are automatically labelled as ‘barbaric’ and ‘backwards’. The Boston bombings for example, were called by some as a ‘barbaric’ terrorist attack by a fundamentalist. Once a white guy is a suspect, I don’t see the word ‘barbaric’ written anywhere. Obviously, they’re the only ones in the world that are able to develop psychological issues as a result of their environments. When you think of a ‘molester’ in Europe, you think of a sad man who has not had enough love as a child, but when you think of a an Arab ‘molester’ you have a picture of a dirty bearded man with a constant erection. This is in no way written to make Arab molesters seem ‘nicer’ than they are, but this barbaric image bullshit needs to stop.

People need to stop thinking like every issue in the Middle East is the result of a ‘barbaric’ mind-frame that is somehow part of our society, like if we don’t do shit the European way, we’re Tarzan in the jungle. Fucking white-man’s burden.

The comments section in this: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/11/06/world/middleeast/egyptian-vigilantes-crack-down-on-abuse-of-women.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0 pissed me off. Look at all the saviours giving them a patronising pat on the back.

edit:

Searched the term which literally meant ”whoever is not Greek is a barbarian”. ‘In the Roman empire, Romans used the word barbarian for the Germans, Celts, Persians, Carthaginians, Iberians, Thracians, and in some respects the Greeks themselves.’ (wikipedia) 

So when someone calls people ‘barbaric’ they are using colonialist language. Don’t try to convince me that you’re only calling the ‘act’ not the ‘people’ barbaric. Because you’d never use that label on someone who is not an ‘other’.

The fact that Greeks used it when they viewed everyone else as inferior just proves the point that when it’s used by people in the West they are viewing ‘others’ as a whole, as intellectually inferior.

I have to finish it all in one night.
The pay better be worth it.
Excited!!

seriously I can’t do this alone.

anyone with experience with mental illness (anxiety/bipolar/depression) and relationships. I’d appreciate an inbox.

My mother, aunts and cousins are at a Kathm Elsaher concert and I couldn’t go because I have a fuckload of work to do. I’m not even doing it because I feel so out of fucks to give. 

What annoys me about the term ‘Arab’ is that it’s over simplistic.
The only link I see between people from the gulf and Shami people is the language and even that is really different. What annoys me even more is when people view Arabs as a racial group. I don’t look anything like Mediterranean Arabs so people end up telling me I look Indian or Somali. What the fuck is ‘Arab’ descent?

It even disregards the hierarchy in the Arab world with many Mediterranean Arabs thinking they’re somehow intellectually and aesthetically superior to Gulf Arabs. My Syrian ex girlfriend’s family referred to me  as ‘el sooda’ (the black one) in a really derogatory way. Although shadism is a problem prominent in the Arab world it’s actually mostly prominent in the Mediterranean which is why a lot of them feel superior to darker skinned Arabs, whereas in the Gulf it’s more of an issue of racism with extremely dark skinned people (usually from African descent) are called racist slurs like ‘khal’ and ‘abd’.

I don’t even get the point of this rant but I’m just saying the problems in these regions are completely different and shouldn’t be spoken about as ‘Arab’ problems but as separately Shami or Gulf problems. 

Sometimes I forget you’re gone. I get nauseous at the thought of never being able to chill in your car which always smelled like a mixture of perfume and smoke. It’s almost like you were never here or never left I dont know which to be honest. I dont know when I’s going to really get to me its been 7 months. I miss you lay.

Such a good day. My girlfriend and I both got really good results on our exams. It’s hard to believe that a year ago shit was really fucked up and I wasn’t even able to do my exams normally cuz I was hospitalised after a series of relapses and bullshit. For once, I’m pretty content with life. Only a few more months until I move to London.

I have this thing where I try to make myself accept the fact that I’m going to be hurt and I just plan this whole scenario of how I’m gonna cope with it in my head because I’m just so scared of going back to where I was so many times before. I wish I didn’t expect the worst from people.

It’s 2 and I have to wake up at 6 15 and I can’t sleep even though I’m tired and sleepy as fuck. So frustrated I feel like shit my thoughts are all over the place.

I got saturday and friday wireless festival tickets after an hour of agony from two different websites. That was stressful as shit. and the day with Jay Z sold out in like 20 minutes. shit.